Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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