Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
