I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize