Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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