well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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