Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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