i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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