I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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