I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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