So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
