I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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