I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
