you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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