so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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