I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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