why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
