...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize