The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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