When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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