Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
