hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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