kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
