he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
