I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
