Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
