My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
