Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize