She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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