you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
