I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
