Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
