I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
