just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
