that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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