...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
