I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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