Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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