Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
