she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
