someone owes me an orgasm
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
