Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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