...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
