dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
