someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
