I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize