my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
