U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
