Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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