I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
