So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
