honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize