There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
