My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
