Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
