While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
