yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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