I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So much rum. So many feels.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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