**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
