I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What a dumb baby whore.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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