I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
