I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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