The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
