We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
