she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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