The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
