She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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