Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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