you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
