You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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