your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
