Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
