i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
