I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
