you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
