I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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