i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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