Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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