I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
