Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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