you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
