"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
